Week 46: What Multiple Sclerosis is teaching me about Grief
My love of all things random is not necessarily random. It is, in part, a silent rebellion, an effort not to be defined by one single part of my story. This allows me to embrace the stories fully as they come, following the twists and turns in this journey of life.
Many parts make up the sum of who we are as individuals. When recognized for one piece of our story, it is easy to allow that single part to become our whole identity, whether that is the job we do, a talent we have, or a role we fill. How quickly we can become fixed on one part of our identity, failing to live fully into our whole selves.
I am a wife, a #boymom, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am also a teacher, a writer, and a homemaker. I love to cook, read, and explore the great outdoors. I am a gardener, a veggie-lover, and a foe of indoor plants, no matter how much I wish not to be. I live with a chronic illness.
We have applied all these labels, and we have only scratched the surface of who I am. We have not even begun to cover my being’s inner parts, who I am at the core. The same holds true for all of us. We are so much more than what we do for a living or an illness we battle.
My journey towards living my story out loud, my desire to live well this one beautiful life we have and inspire others along the way, began to fully awaken in me when I added #MSWarrior to my resume. While I recognized some parts of this journey long ago, the time was not right, and I was not ready.
Then along came Multiple Sclerosis, and it asked me to decide what to do with it. MS is not the definition of who I am; it is only a part. Yet, it is an inspiring, motivating, and significant part of my life story.
Some see the #MSWarrior and assume it to symbolize a fight against Multiple Sclerosis. For me, it represents a fight to live well despite Multiple Sclerosis. Accept it as a part of who I am and not allow it to become the sum of who I am.
I am not grateful to have Multiple Sclerosis, but Multiple Sclerosis is a part of my life. And I am thankful for what I am learning and how this journey is growing me.
It has made me more aware of the more than twenty-three million people in America alone who live with various autoimmune diseases. Are you aware that there are more than eighty different autoimmune diseases? And while most of these diseases are not immediately life-threatening, they all lower life expectancy. There are no cures, only treatments, and most treatments have various potential side effects that are in themselves nothing to take lightly.
Multiple Sclerosis and I are living together reasonably well these days. It likes to remind me it is there, never forgotten, while I attempt to remind it who the boss is. I am learning to respect and listen to what my body tells me, finding a balance between pushing myself as I need to keep moving and not pushing too hard to over-exert myself. It is a new type of tension I hold between too much and not enough activity.
Living with a chronic and potentially debilitating disease is a journey I never expected to find myself on. It is a journey I would never ask for, but it is the journey I now travel. I did not choose to take this particular path with Multiple Sclerosis, yet I get to decide how I travel the path before me. One of my favorite quotes is from The Fellowship of The Ring. Gandalf tells Frodo, “All we have to decide is what to do with the times that is given us.”
Pause to Consider:
Grief is most associated with death, the loss of a loved one. Yet, grief is a natural process with any loss and often arrives unexpectedly. We can find ourselves grieving over the loss of a job, a move, a relationship that ends, or even an unexpected diagnosis.
Grief has no respect for persons or circumstances, nor does it adhere to any set of rules. Years ago, when I miscarried early in my pregnancy, I refused to grieve for a long time, believing my loss was less significant than someone who lost a child late in pregnancy or after birth. But grief can only be ignored for so long before it breaks through, often arriving in unexpected ways and at random times.
My loss, your loss matters, whatever that loss is, and it needs to be grieved.
Multiple Sclerosis, like grief, follows no pattern. It behaves differently for each person who lives with it. It also travels unseen. On the outside, one can appear to be doing well, but on the inside, the disease could be at work, waiting for a time to reveal itself. So, no matter how things appear on the outside, what is happening inside your brain matters most. Some days, I can pretend MS is not there, and then an MRI reveals what is true. There is a chronic, potentially debilitating disease living inside my body.
Grief, like MS, can be something we forget for a time. We can, for a moment, pretend the pain does not exist. On good days, I can pretend I do not have MS, but eventually, an MRI will reveal what is inside.
For many who have walked journeys with grief, it is a process that comes in waves. It can ease for a season and then ask to be acknowledged once again. The more you determine to ignore grief, the more demanding it becomes and the more internal damage it can cause.
Rather than pushing away grief and ignoring it, I am learning to lean into it. Lean in and ask what grief needs of me, to move through it to come out stronger. And as I grieve, I must feel all the grief, listening and learning from what it has to tell me.
Grief is a story that demands to be written. Not all of us are writers, and even for writers, not all our stories are shared out loud. But grief needs to be processed whether by journaling, talking with a spouse, friend, or even simply acknowledging it out loud to ourselves. In some situations, the grief may require professional help; do not be afraid to ask for help.
Grief is a journey that may require you to walk—actually, take a walk. Physically moving our bodies and getting outside into nature can significantly impact our mental health. A study conducted https://www.pnas.org/content/112/28/8567.abstract showed that walking in nature had a more substantial effect on reducing depression than walking in high-traffic areas. Getting our bodies moving and #optingoutside is proven to improve our emotional and mental health.
Grief reminds us, life is better when lived in a community. When we are experiencing grief, the first reaction may be to withdraw. And for some, there may be a need for time to process alone. But it is not good for us to spend too much time alone with our grief. Having community helps us not to linger in the negative space too long. Community pulls us out and through to a place we can move forward, focused not on what was, but rather what is.
Grief can be all-consuming and rob us of living life well, fully present in the gift of each day. But grief can also be a teacher, helping us grow beyond ourselves and driving us to live well in a community with others.
Note: Most of us experience loss and wrestle with grief in our lives. My writing is not counseling; it is merely the sharing of my journey with grief. If you are dealing with grief that feels more than you can handle, please reach out for professional help.
While I wish we could sit with coffee or tea and get to know one another better, that isn't always possible. But I'd still love to connect and hear your thoughts.
A Prayer:
May we recognize that grief is not carried only in the loss of a person but also in the loss of dreams; any loss or unexpected journey can bring grief.
May we lean in and ask what grief needs of us, listening and learning from what it has to tell us so we might move through it to come out stronger.
May we not collapse inward in our grief but instead seek others to walk with us in our journey with grief.
May we not allow grief to rob us of living well but seek to continue living fully present in the gift of each day.
A Quote to Consider:
“Grief never ends.
But it changes.
It’s a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness,
nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.”
Author Unknown
I was living with MS for years before being officially diagnosed in 2021. I got annual MRIs, and I did not take any meds due to side effects. I had one flare up in 2021. My legs decided to a break, and I was numb from the waist down. I decided to try MS-4 from Uine Health Centre. The numbness and Muscle spasms went away after a couple of weeks, but it took almost 3 months to walk properly without a cane. In June, it will be four years without incident, and I am extremely happy that I made the decision to not take any meds and went for the MS-4 formula even though my neurologist got upset and one told me to quit my job because I will be disabled. Well, I am not disabled, I still refuse to take those meds, and I am doing just fine. Believe in yourself and go with your instincts. Doctors don't know it all. I’m surprised a lot of people with MS haven’t heard of the MS-4 protocol, I got the treatment from uinehealthcentre. com I am absolutely confident that this protocol offers a viable solution. I hope you find it helpful.